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Ah, spring in Athens. A time to break out the hammocks, chill on your front porch or head out for fest season. But when you’ve got a dead body on your hands, finding the perfect hiding place takes up a lot of time that could be filled with other, way more fun spring activities. Luckily, we’ve taken the time to find these seven quick and easy hiding spots that will keep you in the sun and out of prison.
7.) Scripps Amphitheater:
Everyone’s already out studying in the grass by the amphitheater anyway, so if you throw some sunglasses or something on the body and place a book nearby, no one will suspect that it’s anything other than a diligent student taking a study break. Well, they technically ARE taking a study break; it’s just never going to end.
6.) Next to a Construction Site:
In all of Ohio University’s history, there has not been one day where something wasn’t under construction. If you put the dead body next to a construction site, the police will assume that a large piece of machinery killed the person, eliminating you from the list of suspects. Problem solved!
5.) Inside one of Those Egg Chairs in the Library:
These chairs are perfect because, if you angle them correctly, they obscure everything but a person’s legs, which look about the same dead as they do alive (we’ve chosen a different angle here for demonstrative purposes. Trust us, we know what we’re doing).
4.) In the Stacks:
If all the egg chairs are taken, simply drag the dead body up a few floors and toss it literally anywhere in the stacks. Only huge nerds read books these days, so if someone finds the body, they won’t tell anyone because doing so would expose them as a huge nerd.
3.) Next to that German Restaurant No One Knows About:
You know that German place on Union? Yeah, neither does anyone else. This desolate place is perfect for hiding evidence of any crime because no one ever goes there. We think we saw a guy in there one time, but odds are he was another dead body propped up to look lifelike.
2.) In or Around the Hocking:
The Hocking River is notoriously gross, and there are probably a few bodies already floating around in there. Dump yours there to continue the tradition. Even if you can’t quite get it in the actual river, the mud on the banks will submerge the body in a matter of minutes.
1.) Basically Anywhere on Dirty South:
There’s enough sketchy stuff going on there that one little dead body won’t attract much attention, unless someone tries to make it into a bong.